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The Righteous Struggle needs fodder, er, heroes.

Radical Islam, the religion of peace, brotherhood and total insanity, is seeking highly motivated, people-oriented young males with short term career goals to become part of a team working in a fast paced environment. Several exciting positions are currently open.

Suicide Bomber

Any organization has its share of True Believers. You know, those who brainlessly follow orders when the majority will pause to ask "You want me to WHAT?" If you are easily influenced by a charismatic scripture-quoting leader who continually invokes out of context phrases from your Holy Book, you've found a home, albeit a temporary one, as a suicide bomber. Prior experience in selling MLM products or telemarketing is a definite plus.


Terrorist Cell Leader

We realize that it takes more than a bright flash and flying body parts to do the work of Allah. It takes continuity. People behind the scenes that make it all happen. People who will be there tomorrow. That's the job of the cell leader. You will listen to our compatriots at CNN who faithfully rebroadcast Al-Jazerra to a huge global audience. When you hear a coded phrase, you will Make it Happen (tm). Of course, the Jihad isn't all glamour and carnage. It's hard work. Following the directives of our shadowy leader, recruiting middle class Westernized men into becoming wanton murderers, filling out TPS reports to the Home Office, serving on committees to set policies and procedures to ensure our enemies (anyone but ourselves) receive a consistent Jihad experience, and supervising your staff of henchmen, suicide bombers, and willing accomplices.

Willing Accomplice

If you think of the Jihad as a pyramid, our Willing Accomplices (WA) are the wide base that we rely on for support. The main goal of the WA is to point fingers and cast blame on others. Our WA's will receive a fax of talking points daily. Their task is to write letters, energize other WA's and get the sheeplike opinion leaders to fall into step with our One True Plan (tm) to wipe Christians, Jews (especially Jews), Buddhists, Hindus, Daoists, and all Westerners including our non-supportive Islamic brethern from the face of the earth. A perfect job for people (and even non-believers) with no real conviction except to feel guilty about not being part of a group who wants to kill them.

Here is a typical exchange between a Willing Accomplice and a Hateful Enemy.

     Hateful Enemy:   "It's so sad to see that thirty people on their way to work were killed by a bomber".

     WA:    "It was the evil people on their way to work who were the terrorists and murderers. If you could only know what that young man was thinking when he sacrificed himself you wouldn't judge him or his cause. You must strive to accept those who differ with your view and appreciate their diverse visions. You, sir are a bigot and have deeply offended me as a human being.

     Hateful Enemy:    Yes, you are so correct. I apologize for my ignorance.

Experience in free-floating guilt and projection are highly desirable for this position. Compensation is not available, but knowing you are forwarding our agenda will assuage your guilt and instill the moral superiority that you are truly an accepting and nonjudgemental person and that the Jihad appreciates you. Of course, you are still a spineless nonbeliever who must be eradicated but we appreciate the support nonetheless.

To apply for any of these positions, inquire of any of our helpful personnel. You will find them in crowded areas dressed in lumpy clothing chanting serenely. Act fast!


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